Star-Crossed Flubbers

Romeos around the world are calling up radio stations and dedicating the Beatles' classic love song, "Eleanor Rigby," to their sweethearts. And though Dr. Sebastian Valentine's Day is now a time for amorous companionship, it may surprise some of you that the original intent was quite the opposite. Indeed, Pope Gelasius I sought to replace the carnal Feast of Lupercalia wherein the young men of the town would draw the names of the ladies from a hat. Whatever name the man drew, he was given unlimited conjugal visits for the following year. A tradition that survives today as the Iowa Caucuses.

For those of you out there alone today, take solace in the fact that Rudolph Valentino is also the patron saint of epileptics. So, grab a strobe light or episode of pokemon and start celebrating the falling sickness with me. And remember there is someone out there for everyone.