For me? You shouldn't have

So, next Monday will mark a gigantic milestone for me. I'll have managed to avoid having a piano or a safe fall on my head for a whole 23 years. Thats right, Monday is my Michael Jordan Birthday!!! Now, I know some of you out there have been racking your brains trying to come up with the perfect gift. Well, you can put away the slide rule cause I'm gonna give you my ultimate birthday wish list right now.

First, I just have to wish for World Peace. And of course I have to thank Jesus since without him the rest of this list wouldn't be possible.

Deux, I would really like a completely functional replica of Johnny Five. Whats that? You're having trouble working out all the dimensions and complex robotery? Well, here's something that might help you get started.

Tres, anyone who knows me, knows just how much I love the thrill of the hunt. And that thrill is second only to my love of the Nuge. Speaking of hunts, you can kill two birds with one stone with this present. Personally, I am all about the Safari, but I would settle on Pork Slam 2005 if you are short of cash.

Fourthly, to satisfy my never ending quest for power I would like to become immortal. In order to accomplish that I'll need the Aubrey de Grey approved Amazing Eternal Youth Chair.

Well, thats it. You can get out your wallets now and send everything to Brian Kessler c/o Birthday, USA