I have girly hands and other revelations about my fate

I recently learned that I have girly hands. How can I tell if I have burly man paws or frisky female tentacles, you ask? Well, the test is so simple you can perform it in your very own home. All you need to do is look at your index and ring fingers. If they are the same length you have girly mitts and if your index finger is shorter then you have man hands. And, both of my fingers are the same length. So what, big deal, what sort of consequences could that ever have. Well, nosy Ned, let me enlighten you.

It turns out some dudes in lab coats have been looking at a bunch of people's fingers and figured out that the relative length corresponds to how much testosterone (man juice) you got when you were in your mama's tummy. Thus, having girl hands makes me less agressive and generally more of a wuss. Also, these sissy fingers of mine make me more likely to die young of a heart attack. So, Doc, tell me, is there any good news? Well, girly hands make you less likely to be gay. Apparently, the girl hands have the same anti-gayness effect on both sexes.

Speaking of gayness, I was reading an article in the New York Times on how nobody can remember phone numbers anymore when I read the line

Perhaps the most frustrating part was that Mr. Gillis had been dating someone in Manhattan and couldn't get in touch with him until he returned to the city.

I actually reread it at first, thinking I just misread her. But no, the Times just included a gay relationship in a regular news article without batting an eye. Not even a mention of the words gay, partner, marriage or civil union. Pretty progressive if you ask me.

Now, I don't know about the rest of you out in cyberspace, but its a beautiful day out where I live. So, I'm off to enjoy it!