Kessler v. Lucas and Wells

Pending Class Action Lawsuit:
Have you been unfairly wronged by Mr. George Lucas? You remember the last three star wars, right? Has Well's Blue Bunny or the town of Le Mars, IA ever rained on your parade? Maybe, you ordered the sock-hop ice cream social, only to realize that you were paying over $100 a person for your daughter's sweet sixteen.

If so, contact Richard William Herbst Esq. to join my class action lawsuit against both of these Evil Empires(® 1977 Lucasfilm Inc.) My particular grievance stems from an incident in LA this past weekend. While strolling down the street, we came upon an ice cream vendor selling, among other things, a Darth Vader® bar from Blue Bunny.

Exhibit A:


Now, don't get me wrong, this bar was tasty. But soon everyone was laughing at me. For the reasons that are readily apparent in:

Exhibit B:


Seriously, how can you talk to a man that looks like that. I have the expert testimony of one Adam Pash corroborating the fact that I, "Look like a fool." Let me assure you that this was no trifling affliction. Exhibit C documents our feeble attempt to mask the damage with concealer and lipstick.

Exhibit C:


Mainly, that just made my lips shinier and changed the shade to a sky blue. I headed back north to Berkeley with my fingers crossed that it would be gone by the next morning. Thankfully, after four hours it had worn off to the point where I could stop and legally get gas for my car.

Judge Roberts it looks like your first swing vote may be coming up. After reading your friend of the court brief in Children v. Wonka, I think I'm in safe hands.

And for those of you on the edge of our seats, there is a new poll up on the right hand side. Bert and Ernie narrowly bested Tom and Katie for the title of soonest to be newlyweds. And the new Now Hear This! pick has me wondering why Frogs wasn't included on the Magnolia soundtrack.