Master of Physicks

Apparently, I am now a Master of Physics, not to be confused with the much more prestigious Master of the Universe.

As my first proclamation as Master of Physics, I am initiating a contest to determine the song "most-likely-to-be-written-during-third-grade-study-hall." To kick off the submissions, I'll offer my best guess:

I wish that I could fly
Into the sky
So very high
Just like a dragonfly

I'd fly above the trees
Over the seas
In all degrees
To anywhere I please

Oh I want to get away
I want to fly away
Yeah yeah yeah

Oh I want to get away
I want to fly away
Yeah yeah yeah

Lets go and see the stars
The milky way
Or even mars
Where it could just be ours

Lets fade into the sun
Let your spirit fly
Where we are one
Just for a little fun
Oh oh oh yeah !

I want to get away
I want to fly away
Yeah yeah yeah

-Fly Away
by Lenny Kravitz

Hack Attack©®™

You're not as safe as you think you are... no, no, thats not me creaking on the front porch, turn back to your computer monitor. Thats right, it turns out its super easy to break into a Windows computer. How do I know this? Well, it started when the computer that controls one of our research group's electron microscopes went down. The company replaced the computer, but wouldn't tell us the administrative password for our own computer. So, ala Senor Da Vinci, we now had a code to crack. To find out how, you could just google Cracking Windows 2000, but I'll save you the trouble (prepare for major geekdom ahead).

1) Create a DOS boot disk (if you kept reading after DOS, I suggest you quit while you are still ahead)

2) Realize that DOS can't read new Windows 2000 storage formats, then realize that this may the first time in five years that someone has refered to the year 2000 as "new."

3) Make a Linux boot disk (whoa, we are into some serious nerd territory now, as an interesting factoid for anyone still reading; I used to prefer NERDS at the pool in the summertime over the frozen snickers, NERDS make little kid's wet hands turn all different colors)

4) Copy the password files onto a disk and start a brute force cracking program (just like Sir Edward Furlong uses in Terminator Dos to break into an Automatic Teller Machine.)

5) Realize that the Linux boot disk came with asteroids installed, mercilously taunt Tom when you beat his high score then cry shamelessly when he gets to level four and doubles your high score.

6) 15 minutes later use the password to break into Windows.

Marketable skills to add to resume: Superhacker abilities on the level of Sandra Bullock

Marketable skill to remove from resume: Asteroids high score

You can sail the seven seas!

In the past two days, the United States Navy has sent me three, count 'em, three letters inviting me to attend college on a Navy scholarship. Now, Uncle Sam, I'll have you know that I won't join any organization that can't train David Blaine to break a world record.

Dear Oil-of-Olay Wrinkly Skin Club,
I'm still awaiting my official membership card!

Sister Act II

Some of the more astute readers out there may have noticed that the Mileage count on the righthand side of your screen has not been going up for quite sometime. Now, I've heard rumors that "I've been training, but just neglecting to update the mileage count" and I want to quash those vicious rumors once and for all. I have in no way, shape or form been training for the Chicago marathon in the past two months...

Until today! That's right, I ran a meager two miles this morning. Now, for the gross part. You finished that bowl of Wheaties, yet? Good. When I was running regularly my body got used to the schedule, but this morning I caught my body a little off guard. One mile into the run, nature was calling, and it was on the second line if you get my drift, sonny boy. Needless to say, my second mile was much quicker than the first. Hmmm, I wonder if I could somehow incorporate this into a new workout craze... (I just need to get naming rights from Ace Ventura II)

Over Six Hundred Degrees...

I saw a couple of documentaries recently. The first, Word Wars, I highly reccommend. It follows three scrabble players in the monthes leading up to the national championship. Its hard not to become enamored with a guy like G.I. Joel who has such an honest view of himself.

The main thing I took away from the second documentary, Fast, Cheap and Out of Control, was that naked mole rats are the world's most disgusting animal.

Need anymore proof?

Besides watching movies, I also cultivated a sweet farmer's tan/burn this weekend. Now, I'm all ready for my trip to Iowa at the end of May. Speaking of trips to Iowa and movies, I would like to point out that X3 will be coming out the weekend I am there. Which means I'll expect to see it with some brodies. Benny Queers, I'm putting you on notice!