Attn: All Bounty Hunters/Bailbondsmen

Yours truly has just been declared an official resident of the State of California. This involved me sending in a bunch of junk proving that I actually lived in California, drove my car in California, paid taxes in California, voted in California, etc. I think on the voting in California I went above and beyond the call of duty by voting voting straight party line on an exclusive California-only party. Finally, they needed me to deliver a letter proving that I wasn't a roustabout this summer.

Now, what would make a waiting room visit a little more enjoyable? Well, for starters you could have the poor sound-absorbing cubicle of the residency officer right next to me. Then you could have a trust fund baby enter to debate her denied residency status. Well, I never knew anyone with a trust fund before, but apparently they get loans from their aunt instead of the bank, and gifts from dead grandparents, and anonymous donations that bring their income up to $20,000 a year. So, needless to say, she did not satisfy the financial independence requirement.

After that, a residency officer met with me for about a minute. Then he looked at my letter pressed a button on his keyboard and I was instantly transformed into a resident of California. My official state-issue sunglasses will arrive in four to six weeks.

Oh, yeah, I also have to join the state-sponsored religion as well.